What if I loose the weight and still don’t like myself?
Each and every day i say to myself i hate the way my body looks. I feel like i am ugly, nobody wants me, and everybody looks at me like the fat chick. I think my main problem is that i blame how i feel and look on my problems. When in all reality there is multiple reasons why i feel this way. But the easiest thing to do is just “Blame it on my weight.” I can loose weight, I have done it before and felt better about myself. But the question is, do i want to even feel better? or do i just want to continue feeling like this because i’m used to feeling this way and scared to have my feelings to change. Its easy blaming my problems, my past, my mistakes on something else. Just for me to forget about what i have been through, feel, or things i have done.
I write this today not to make people feel bad for me. But for me to realize everything in a more surreal way. And the best way i can do that is through my words.