What if i loose the weight and still don’t like myself?

    What if I loose the weight and still don’t like myself?

Each and every day i say to myself i hate the way my body looks. I feel like i am ugly, nobody wants me, and everybody looks at me like the fat chick. I think my main problem is that i blame how i feel and look on my problems. When in all reality there is multiple reasons why i feel this way. But the easiest thing to do is just “Blame it on my weight.” I can loose weight, I have done it before and felt better about myself. But the question is, do i want to even feel better? or do i just want to continue feeling like this because i’m used to feeling this way and scared to have my feelings to change. Its easy blaming my problems, my past, my mistakes on something else. Just for me to forget about what i have been through, feel, or things i have done.

I write this today not to make people feel bad for me. But for me to realize everything in a more surreal way. And the best way i can do that is through my words. 

 

 

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5 thoughts on “What if i loose the weight and still don’t like myself?

    1. Both questions don’t have a correct answer to them, i guess its just the question our conscious asks us. But i hope you achieve your goal and i hope that is the way i feel about myself once i loose the weight also.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was a little to glib in my answer.
        I struggle so with it and since age 8, when eating turning into a survival mode other than the one it was truly meant for.
        Just the last few weeks, I’ve stared eating in way that are more from hunger, if not that, at least on some time timetable to go along with the high potency acid reducer medication I’m on. The stupid ass stomach surgery I had 35 years to feel normal didn’t help me feel normal, by normal, liking my myself, not just my body. I still needed to eat to drown out the horrors filling my mind so spent too many nights wrapped around the toilet bowl on the cold tile floor. A teaspoon too much would do that.
        That surgery was not meant for me. The eating wasn’t stopped by making a tiny pouch stomach, I still had to drown out the bad feelings.
        Years later I now suffer complications from it. GI bleed that could have killed me. Now, eating too much or not chewing long and carefully keeps me up in the night sick, sick, sick, till my poor butchered stomach is emptied. So I am forced into a sense of discipline, otherwise I pay the consequences.
        Ir does help to slow or stop a while when that drive hits; that drive to throw down food. I try to think of of showing warmth, kindness, compassion, a new way of looking at myself for change. That I am Ok. That there’s things here to be proud of. That I;m not the things the origin family made me believe of myself so I’d keep their secrets safe. There’s beauty and strength and I have moments of feeling them, and when I do the drive to stuff food goes away.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I lost the weight and it took me some time to like myself. It took even longer for me to realize the image in the mirror was really me and not a mirage. Good luck with the weight loss – it makes you feel so much better both physically and psychologically.

    Liked by 1 person

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